You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
