Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
