I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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