Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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