My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
