note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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