the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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