At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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