New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
