A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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