He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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