My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
