Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
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