last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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