I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
