He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
