I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
