its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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