the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
