One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Randomize
