I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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