Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
