have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
