At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
