i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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