Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
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