I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
