No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
