Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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