I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
