I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
