it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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