the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I think people are normalizing furries
Randomize
