You really coming over, don't trick.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Please don't give away my fajitas
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
