My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
