She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
