i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
