Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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