I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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