I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
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