My friends, they love my intelligence
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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