Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
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The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
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PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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