Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
