My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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