At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not ubering you a puppy
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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