Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
