Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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