I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
