I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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