Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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