and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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