It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
