I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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