he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
