Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize
