Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(310): View more from California

If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.

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(240): View more from Maryland

I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.

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(630): View more from Illinois

bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.

(716): View more from New York

i dont this its possible to queef on command.

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(314): View more from Missouri

Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho

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(310): View more from California

Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.

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(612): View more from Minnesota

you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier

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(219): View more from Indiana

surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on

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(720): View more from Colorado

side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?

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(425): View more from Washington

Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.

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