you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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