FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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